the last two months..

So first thing's first. For those of you who don't follow my twitter/facebook and have not observed ridiculousness over the past two months… I have a new boy in my life. His name is Walter Harvey Johnson, and don’t be deceived, he is about as bad as he is cute. He very quickly learned how to escape from his cage and pull all of the shoes out of my closet. His new favorite hobbies are knocking the shampoo bottles off the side of the bathtub into the shower with me and carrying my personal items around the house, to my chagrin. Despite this and the other hood rat stuff he has gotten himself in to, it is nearly impossible to stay mad at those sad little eyes. Aside from the new pup and potential move across the country (details to follow), my life has been fairly normal lately.

After prayer and lots of research, my family and I decided against getting a transplant for now. With one of the best oncologists in the country for my condition advising against it, it would have been very difficult to have a peace about continuing down that path. I just couldn’t see myself going through with a surgery that might kill me and, at the very least, not cure the cancer. Not to mention the decrease in quality of life I would experience post-transplant. I’d say I’m pretty full of life right now… so why risk it when my tumors have been stable so far? I had a moment of doubt a few weeks ago when I received a voicemail (while I was at the gym, ironically), telling me that they had found a liver for me and I needed to get to the hospital ASAP. I second guessed myself and started worrying that I was going to get sicker if I didn’t get the transplant… but living in fear is no way to live at all, so for now, this is what I’m going to do.

You’re probably wondering what things look like for me from here on out… no active treatment, no transplant.. so now what? Well, for now we’re going to take a sort of “wait and watch” approach, meaning I will go in every 3 months for more scans to see if anything has grown or spread. Dr. Ravi was very adamant that I live a completely normal life and gave me no restrictions as far as physical activity, diet, moving/traveling, etc. Of course, the healthier I can be the more my body can fight off the cancer. He also gave me some pain medicine to take in the mean time. Honestly, some days I feel like it helps and some days I can’t tell because I still hurt. I’m going to ask him about other medication I might try when I go in for my next set of scans in September.

So that’s the deal! Trying to live normally now and release all the fear that tends to hold me down. I’ve definitely made strides towards living a healthier life as far as diet goes. I’ve started taking lots of vitamins and supplements and have been a lot more conscious of what I am putting into my body…. Not that the occasional cookie doesn’t sneak by me. Also, thanks to my sweet parents I am now the proud owner of a HUGE robot-like juicer. Picking it up from the post office and getting it home was quite the task… but since I have gotten it home it has been true love. For real… I am a juicing fiend. I have, more than once, caught myself thinking or saying out loud “hmm I bet I could juice that”. Real cool.

My doctor also told me about a documentary I should check out called Crazy Sexy Cancer which was at SXSW a few years ago. The girl who wrote and directed it is Kris Carr, an actress and photographer who was diagnosed with my EXACT condition when she was 31 years old. My doctor is friends with Kris Carr’s doctor at Harvard, which was what made him suggest the film to me. I actually just watched it last night finally and parts of it felt all too familiar. Although she has different beliefs than me on a lot of things, it was very cool to see her perspective on living with cancer. She’s really pretty incredible and a definite inspiration to me. She also has a blog called crazysexylife.com which has lots of good tips for health and general living. Check it out if you’re interested.

That’s all I’ve got for now. Oh, and I’m going to try to start making this blog more of a weekly thing so I don’t have to write any more novels. For those of you who have again stuck it out and read all this… appreciate it. Now go do something less boring and embrace the day you have been given. Live it up, people!!

“God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.

Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,

though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.

Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth."

The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Selah”

-Psalm 46:1-3, 10-11

change in plans..

“We're not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be”

-C.S. Lewis

This entry has definitely been the hardest one for me to write thus far. I've been trying to gather my thoughts and process through what is going on enough to put it all into words, which is why it has taken me two weeks to report the most recent developments in my life. On one hand, the news I have to share is heavy, terrifying and sad. On the other hand, it is relieving, encouraging and emotionally freeing. The news came two weeks ago with my first visit with an oncologist at MD Anderson.

Up to this point, I had only been to see liver doctors and surgeons. My path through the next year seemed clear: Get on the transplant list, get a transplant, recover, and move on with my life! Although I had heard from many how intense the recovery process was with a transplant, I had already accepted this and was ready to take action. I was willing to go through the pain of recovery and ready to take immune system suppressing drugs for the rest of my life. I was prepared for this contingent on the fact that it was the only way I could get completely better.

When I met with Dr. Ravi for the first time, he asked me what I knew about my disease, EHE (for short). He then informed me that he almost never supported patients with my condition getting transplants. He wanted to make sure that I knew all the facts and statistics before I made my decision to go through with the transplant. This was the part I was not prepared for... Based on the cases in circulation on people with epithilioid hemangioendothelioma, 40-70% of people survive liver transplantation. Of those that survive, there is a 60% chance of living completely disease free. Patients also experience a decrease in quality of life post transplant and are at risk due to the suppression of their immune system required to keep the body from rejecting the transplanted organ.

Another risk I would face, the doctor explained, is the likelihood of the cancer spreading post transplant. My tumors are multi focal, meaning they are several different places in my liver. Because of this, there is a good chance it could spread to other places in my body the same way, primarily my lungs and bones. I would be at greater risk for it spreading post transplant, as I would be taking drugs to hinder the body's most important defense against cancer, the immune system. The doctor said his biggest concern at the moment was making sure the tumors had not spread to other parts in my body, so he ordered a CT scan of my chest, abdomen and pelvis for later that week. He informed me that even if the scans didn't show any tumors yet, they could be present but too small to register on the scan. This would be the primary reason he wouldn't recommend a transplant for me.

Dr. Ravi has a special interest in EHE and has seen around 15 cases in his career. He told me he has only lost one patient to it to date. Most people deal with the disease using a "wait and watch" procedure, meaning they come in every 3 months or so to get another CT scan and see if the tumors have grown or spread. The tumors tend to be very slow spreading, however, the disease is completely unpredictable. Some people live with it for years and some don't survive it. Up to this point there is no treatment that has been proven to help. In some cases, the cancer has gone into remission on its own and the tumors began to shrink.

That day was the first time I have felt completely scared and helpless through this whole process. I had been sitting in front of one of the best doctors in the entire country for my condition and even HE had no clear solution. I saw my parents break for the first time. I wouldn't say I had any anger towards God, just a sheer sorrow from the burden of it all.

When I got my results back from the doctor a week later, prayers were answered. The tumors had not visibly spread anywhere else in my body and they did not appear to have grown at all in the previous three months! It was such relieving news, and I feel like God had lifted a portion of the burden off of our backs. Dr. Ravi then reminded us that we had a decision to make about the transplant. He said they had actually discussed my case at an oncology meeting the week before. Afterwards, the head of the department approached Dr. Ravi and told him to do whatever he could to convince me to not get a transplant. The risks were much greater than the potential rewards, they both believed.

My parents and I left the hospital a little lighter after that meeting with the doctor. We knew we had to make a decision, but all felt that we were leaning towards not getting a transplant. I felt I could wrap my mind around it all a little more than I could before. The reality was that I would most likely be living with cancer for the rest of my life. Scary, yes, but also SO freeing. It's easy to say things like "life is short" and "God could take us at any time", but I actually get to experience it first hand. I have been given an opportunity to make the most of every second because of the reminder that this disease has given me, an experience I might not have had without it. Yes, it sucks to not be in control, but I was no more in control of my life before I found out about the cancer. The truth is NONE of us are in really in control.

I am still trying to process through all that has happened. I bought a couple books about the effects of alternative medicine and nutrition on cancer prevention. I want to take better care of my body, soul and mind and do everything I can to fight. I want to start cherishing every day and allowing God to use me to impact the lives of others. I want to do the things I've been putting off doing. I want to love others without fear and hesitation. I want to start living. I just finished up Donald Miller's new book "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years" on a flight this weekend, which I would highly recommend for those who have not read it. At one point Miller states that "fear is a manipulative emotion that can trick us into living a boring life." I couldn't agree with that more. I want my story to be exciting, and I feel like God has given me the opportunity to do just that.

Love y'all so much!

-Joanna

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

-Jeremiah 29:11

A-Listed.

Okay, so I'm not exactly A-listed per say, but I am on A list. About a month ago, I was officially added to the liver transplant list! I never thought news like this would get me so excited, but I'd say my perspective on things has definitely changed over the last few months. Here's how it all went down.

Apparently, it's not a quick, easy process to get added to a transplant list. I spent two full days at Methodist Hospital where I'm pretty sure I was the only person under the age of 60 in the waiting room. I saw TWO people on ventilators. All day people kept telling me, "You're too young to be in here". Not knowing how to respond to that comment I would just smile and say "I know, right?!" When I got to Methodist on Monday I had a transplant orientation class of sorts. It was a high level overview of what the whole process looks like and what I can expect to go through. Then I met with a financial advisor to talk about payment which was super encouraging. I basically have AMAZING insurance coverage through my current employer and will be paying a lot less than I had thought. It was so relieving, because financial stress is pretty much the last thing I need right now! Next, I met with a liver doctor, social worker and dietitian. Everyone was really helpful, and I left the hospital feeling as good as can be expected about the whole process. The next day I had to get several tests run on my body to check the overall health of my heart, lungs, etc. All this to say, I found out I'm pretty much as healthy as they come, which just increases the irony of this whole situation, but also confirms my belief that God has his hand in this completely and for some reason picked me to go through this. Obviously this isn't what I would have chosen, but I've already seen him do so much in this situation that I'm truly thankful He is bringing me through it.

Okay, so I'm going to attempt to explain how the liver transplant list works. If you get confused, I apologize. My medical knowledge is lacking as a former finance major. Here's how it works... to determine your position on the transplant list, you are assigned a MELD score (Model for End-Stage Liver Disease) based on how well your liver is functioning. The MELD score takes into consideration a measure your bilirubin levels (how well your liver is excreting bile), INR (International Normalized Ratio, which has to do with blood clotting factor production in the liver), and creatinine levels (a measure of kidney function which is often associated with liver disease). MELD scores range from 6 to 40, with 6 being healthy with a properly functioning liver and 40 being the absolute worst. Basically, the typical person who needs a liver transplant has a very late stage of liver disease, predominately from alcoholism. I do not fit this mold, because my liver functions are great and despite the cancer, I have a very healthy liver. Because of this, I was given a MELD score of 6, meaning I was at the very bottom of the transplant totem pole. Fortunately, they have started granting exceptions for people with liver cancer because a lot of times the liver will not show any signs of distress until the cancer has spread and it is too late. To appeal for an exception, all of the "evidence" of your case/condition is presented to a group of doctors who make the decision of whether or not to grant an exception. When a decision is made to grant an exception, your MELD score is bumped from a 6 to a 22. I just found out last week that my case has been approved for an exception which is SUCH an answer to prayer!!!

So, now my MELD score is at 22 out of 40. Every three months, I will get a bunch of tests run to see if the cancer has spread, and if it hasn't and a transplant is still a viable option, I will get 3 more points added to my score. So... its June... if everything checks out and the cancer hasn't spread, my MELD score will become a 25 in September and a 28 in December. The Houston region has been transplanting people with an average MELD score of 28, so there is a CHANCE I could get my liver as early as 3 months from now. It will most likely be around 6 months, which is still not that long. I was told to keep my phone with me at all times just in case! The thing I was the most relieved about was the fact that I don't have to get sicker to get moved up on the list! I was so worried that I was going to have a hard time getting transplanted because currently my condition isn't critical.

I've felt REALLY good lately. I am rarely nauseated any more. I've had some pressure/pain in my chest lately, which I think is attributed to the fact that my liver is enlarged and is pushing on my lungs a bit. My mom thinks it's because I was so stressed about the CFA (ridiculous finance test I took) haha. It could be a little of both, I suppose, but I don't think it is anything to worry about at the moment. I ran a little over 2 miles earlier this week and had to stop because I am out of shape.. which is good news... not the out of shape part, but the fact that I'm not stopping cause I'm sick! I think my biggest fear is that the cancer might spread to other places in my body. I try not to think about that a lot, but it does haunt me at times. I have an appointment in two weeks at M.D. Anderson with an oncologist there to see if there are any other steps they want to take to stop the cancer from spreading. Hopefully I won't have to get on any medicines that will make me sick! I trust that they know best though.

How you can pray:

-Total healing- God is still completely capable of this! I think I often underestimate the power of prayer and what He can do. How cool would that be if the next time I got a ct scan there were no tumors! It could happen.

-That the cancer won't spread anywhere else

-For my M.D. Anderson appointment- pray that I won't need chemo or radiation or anything that could cause me to be sick

-A NEW LIVER!! Pray that they find one for me :)

That's about all I have! Thanks again sooooo much for all of your prayers, love and support. I'm just trying to take things as they come at me now and feeling pretty positive and happy! My life is in someone's hands who knows exactly what He's doing.

"The pathway is broken and the signs are unclear.

And I don't know the reason why you brought me here.

But just because you love me the way that you do,

I'm gonna walk through the valley if you want me to.

Cause I'm not who I was when I took my first step.

And I'm clinging to the promise you're not through with me yet.

So if all of these trials bring me closer to you,

Then I will walk through the fire if you want me to.

It may not be the way I would have chosen

When you lead me through a world that's not my home.

But you never said it would be easy,

You only said I'd never go alone.

So when the whole world turns against me and I'm all by myself

And I can't hear you answer my cries for help

I'll remember the suffering your love put you through

And I will go through the valley if you want me to. "

-Ginny Owens

a long overdue update.

"To a man on a mountain road by night, a glimpse of the next three feet of road may matter more than a vision of the horizon."

-C.S. Lewis

These last 2 weeks have been a bit of a roller coaster (which is apparently 2 words and not 1.. thank you spell check). I wanted to wait until I had something definitive to write about, but then stuff started happening really fast and I didn't have time blog at all. Sorry this is delayed in coming, but here's the update...

Two weekends ago, I got a call from a GI doctor at MD Anderson who said his wife was the one who had seen my slide in pathology. He said he wanted didn't want me to wait another day to hear from someone and confirmed most of the things I had previously thought about my condition. It is extremely rare, slow spreading, and most likely would require surgery or a transplant. He told me I should meet with an oncologist in the Sarcoma Oncology Center at MDA and also find a liver surgeon to discuss the potential of transplantation. I was thankful that someone cared enough to get in touch and let me know that they were getting the ball rolling. The next week I called the Sarcoma department and found out I could not get an appointment for another 5-6 weeks. It was disheartening thinking about waiting that long without any idea about what treatment was going to look like, but I figured it was better than no appointment at all. My dad started pursuing finding a liver doctor in Houston. Through a doctor he knew in Tyler, he was connected to a doc at Vanderbilt who then talked to a surgeon in Houston who is one of the best liver surgeons in the country. God definitely orchestrated it all.

Anyways, long story short... someone called on Friday from Methodist Hospital to talk to my dad and we were able to schedule an MRI and appointment with the surgeon for Wednesday. It happened really fast! Wednesday morning I had blood work, an MRI and a CT scan of my chest (to make sure the cancer had not spread to my lungs). I was very impressed by everyone I met at Methodist, and the morning went very smoothly. I was nervous about my afternoon appointment with the surgeon simply because I feared what he would have to say. I prayed hard that the tumors had not spread into my lungs or anywhere else in my body. Waiting in the doctor's office for him to come in was probably the worst part of the day. When the doctor finally came in he said, "Do you want me to give it to you straight? You need a transplant." He told me that there were several tumors on both sides of my liver, so a re-section would not be possible. I got to look at the MRI... which was REALLY cool to see and I counted about 8 dark spots without looking very hard. Basically, if he tried to take out the cancer and re-section my liver, it would look like a piece of swiss cheese. Not enough to live on for sure. If the tumors had all been on one side of my liver, they could take half of it out and it would re-generate into a new whole liver. (Another AMAZING thing about the human body!)

The surgeon then explained to me that I would have to go through a few days of different interviews to get on the transplant list. He said because I was young and healthy and not an alcoholic or smoker, getting on the list would not be a problem, however, because I am not in critical condition, it would be difficult to get me high up on the list. Also, because I have such a rare cancer there really is no "ranking" for it (they rank liver conditions based on need and the highest need goes to the top of the list). He said they would try to get an exception made for my condition. The doctor has a daughter my age, and I really feel like he sympathizes with my case. I know he is on my team and will do whatever it takes to get me a liver. I also LOVE the PA working for him. She has already been a huge blessing in this situation as she was the one to orchestrate me getting into the clinic so quickly. The doctor emphasized that I was in great health and that this was probably a condition I have had for quite a while, maybe even since I was a kid. He is a liver transplant surgeon and has only seen 5 cases of what I have EVER. He told me to keep on living life how I have been.. not to give up any traveling, food, sports (besides contact sports), etc. The doctor kept emphasizing that he was going to fix me up. This cancer was not caused by anything I have done which is baffling but also comforting. God knew this was going to happen to me and is allowing me to go through it. I don't know the answer to all of the why's right now, but that is not important to me. I know who I serve and know what he is capable of doing in and through me.

Phew!!! So yeah, it has been a lot to swallow the last 48 hours. I keep asking my parents how they are doing and I think we are all just sort of processing what is going on right now. I have to go through three days of interviews and classes next week (Mon-Wed) to even get on the transplant list at all. Someone told me yesterday that they couldn't imagine what it would be like to be in my shoes... and I thought to myself, you know, I can't imagine being in my shoes either! It just doesn't feel real to me yet, and God has blessed me with so much JOY and PEACE during all of this. Don't get me wrong.. I'm still scared out of my mind. In happier news, I have felt REALLY good (healthy) lately. I worked out for an hour on Monday with only minimal nausea and played tennis for a couple hours on Tuesday! I've started eating as healthy as I can handle despite the outlandish grocery bill. Really, they shouldn't be allowed to charge that much just because something has the word organic on it. Also, I'm 95% sure I'm getting a puppy soon! Life really is so good.

On a more serious note, I've been really convicted about something lately. I've found that often times in my life, it takes the realization of my own human weakness to bring me back to full dependence on God. The more in control of my life and circumstances I feel, the less I feel the need for God... as if somehow just because things are going well I need his mercy less. Self-sufficiency and complacency are two huge battles that hinder my spiritual growth. I am so often distracted from what is IMPORTANT by what is right in front of me. That is one reason I am very thankful for what I am going through right now. Sure, I would never choose this path on my own, but God is using my vulnerability and weakness to remind me of my utter need for Him. Everyone needs a good reminder every now and then that we are completely mortal. Ignoring this fact is like failing to acknowledge that its raining... it won't stop you from getting wet.

Anyways, going through all of this has been hard but very refreshing. It's incredibly freeing to know that we ultimately are not in control of our circumstances, only how we react to them. Now I'm not saying that because I don't have control of my cancer I should just sit back and let whatever is going to happen, happen... that is just stupid. I'm going to do everything I can to fight it... from getting the best medical treatment possible to eating healthy to falling on my face every morning in prayer. What I AM saying is that my life is not my own to begin with, it is an incredible gift from God that I never deserved in the first place. Worrying and stressing about what is going to happen to me is a complete waste of time and will not change the outcome in the slightest.

Okay, so... this is how you can pray for me this week:

-Pray that things go smoothly Monday-Wednesday and that I am able to get on a transplant list.

-Pray that God provides a liver for me quickly.

-Pray for complete healing (b/c God is completely capable of this!)

I want to thank y'all soooooooo much for all of the emails, calls, facebook messages, etc. that I have received the last couple weeks. Seriously, WOW. I feel so incredibly loved and supported and know that God is going to honor our prayers! For those of you that I have not messaged back yet, I'm SO sorry. I've been pretty overwhelmed with busyness and promise I will respond soon :). It's very humbling being in this position, just knowing so many people care and are thinking about you and praying for you.. I feel SO undeserving but thankful at the same time.

Well, that's all I got for now!! Take it easy. Oh, and GO MAVS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." -Proverbs 16:9

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." -James 1:2-4

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." -II Corinthians 12:9

"See now that I am He! There is no God besides me. I put to death and I bring to life, I have wounded and I will heal, and no one can deliver out of my hand." -Deuteronomy 32:39

the run down.

I would like to forewarn you that this is my very first blog so if its all over the place I apologize... but if you know me very well, then what else would you expect? That being said, given recent events I figured writing a blog might be the best way to keep everyone up to date on the craziness in my life.

These last few weeks have been trying, to say the least, but I have already seen God's faithfulness in more ways than I could have ever imagined. Alright, so heres the run down... Late last fall, around October or November, I started experiencing some pain in my stomach and sickness related to it. I was training for a half-marathon at the time, but I found that I had to cut a lot of my runs short due to nausea and other pain. It got to the point where I rarely worked out at all because every time I did I would get sick to my stomach. I also felt sick when eating, sick when I wasn't eating... you get the point. I made an appointment with a GI doctor for January to figure out what the deal was. After lots of questions and blood work, they scheduled an ultrasound and an upper GI to check out my whole digestive system and see what was up. The upper GI came back clean, but when they looked at my ultrasound they found what looked like cysts on my liver and decided to do a cat scan to confirm. The cat scan showed the same spots, so they proceeded to do a biopsy on my liver. The biopsy was definitely more painful than I expected, and I passed out in recovery... literally. Luckily, I didn't have to miss a single game of March Madness during my all-day hospital party!

The next week of waiting felt long, but I was completely covered in love and prayer by the people around me. When I called the nurse back the next week to find out my results and was immediately connected to the doctor, I knew something was wrong. The doctor told me that the pathologists looked at the tissue from my biopsy and "didn't know what to call it... malignant, beningn, or a combination". My heart dropped. He then told me that they had sent the slide over to M.D. Anderson (the best cancer hospital in the country which happens to be in Houston, for those who haven't heard of it) and that I would have to wait another week to hear back from them. When I heard the words malignant and M.D. Anderson in the same sentence, I lost it. I knew cancer was a possibility, but thought it was more of an out lier, not a real one. You always hear people say "I never thought it could happen to me", but it is such a painful, true statement. After several hours of tearful phone calls to friends and family, I pulled myself together and started praying. Again, I was completely BLOWN AWAY throughout the next week by the people around me. Literally, I had so many people tell me they were praying for me/thinking about me. I was terrified. Longest. Week. Ever.

Anyways, yesterday as I was leaving work, I get a call from the doctor. He tells me M.D. Anderson has confirmed what I have, which is a condition that he had never even heard about (comforting, I know). He tells me to get out a pen because it is a really long word. Homeboy didn't lie... it's literally the longest word I've ever heard. We're talking.. I had to start writing on another line because I ran out of paper.. long. What I have is called "Epithelioid Hemangioendothelioma". True story. The doctor said he didn't know anything about it other than it was extremely rare, it occurred in young women, and that I needed to set up an appointment at M.D. Anderson. When I asked him if it was cancer or not... his response was "its not cancer, per say, but it is a tumor". Basically, I took that as he had NO idea what the heck was wrong with me. Okay so, a common reaction at this point would be to burst into tears, right? Yeah.. not so much. I was definitely upset, but I could not stop laughing with my friend because of how many letters that word had. I WOULD get some disease I couldn't pronounce. Go figure.

When I got home, I spent a few minutes on google figuring out what was wrong with me, then decided (through the encouragement of my sister-in-law) that it was not a good idea. Seriously, if you aspire to become a hypcondriac, Web MD and google are a great place to start! That being said, I decided to get off my computer and out of my house and spent last night with some INCREDIBLE girls that have been such blessings in my life while I've been in Houston. I could barely keep up with the texts and calls coming into my phone. Seriously, I am SO humbled by the love and support everyone has shown me already. My parents were able to talk to a good friend who is a doctor who was very encouraging about the treatment for my condition. From what I understand, EHE (for short) is a form of cancer but is very slow developing. It is unresponsive to chemo/radiation, so I will most likely have to get surgery of some kind to remove the tumors. All of this is just speculation from what I have heard and read, so I may have a completely different story once I talk to the docs at MDA. Today has consisted of calling MD Anderson only to discover that my doctor never gave me a referral. I called the doctor back to talk about getting a referral, and the nurse told me they are taking care of it. Apparently they know someone who is the head of oncology at MDA who they are going to try to refer me to. Okay, SO! That's the run down on what's been going on.

My emotions/thoughts right now: I have a peace that I cant even comprehend. I can literally FEEL the prayers everyone is showering on me. My soul feels light in a time when it could be plagued with heaviness. It's the most amazing thing ever!!! What I want for now is just to embrace life completely and enjoy the people around me. I COMPLETELY believe that God has a plan and that glory WILL be brought to His name through this. I COMPLETELY trust the doctors at MDA and know they will give me the absolute best care possible. I COMPLETELY believe in the healing power of prayer.

I'm asking for prayer right now for 2 things: 1. being able to get an appointment at MDA through my doctor's referral and 2. for the tumors to be in a very early stage and easily removed through surgery.

On that note, I want to leave you with a few verses that have been a HUGE encouragement to me:

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" -Matthew 6:25-27

"Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." -Psalm 27:14

"Sing to the Lord, you saints of his; praise his holy name. For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning. When I felt secure, I said, 'I will never be shaken.'" -Psalm 30:4-6

"my enemy will say, 'I have over come him,' and my foes will rejoice when I fall. But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me." -Psalm 13:4-6

Alright, yall, that's all I got for now. I got a super important kickball game to get ready for tonight haha! Over & Out.