the last two months..

So first thing's first. For those of you who don't follow my twitter/facebook and have not observed ridiculousness over the past two months… I have a new boy in my life. His name is Walter Harvey Johnson, and don’t be deceived, he is about as bad as he is cute. He very quickly learned how to escape from his cage and pull all of the shoes out of my closet. His new favorite hobbies are knocking the shampoo bottles off the side of the bathtub into the shower with me and carrying my personal items around the house, to my chagrin. Despite this and the other hood rat stuff he has gotten himself in to, it is nearly impossible to stay mad at those sad little eyes. Aside from the new pup and potential move across the country (details to follow), my life has been fairly normal lately.

After prayer and lots of research, my family and I decided against getting a transplant for now. With one of the best oncologists in the country for my condition advising against it, it would have been very difficult to have a peace about continuing down that path. I just couldn’t see myself going through with a surgery that might kill me and, at the very least, not cure the cancer. Not to mention the decrease in quality of life I would experience post-transplant. I’d say I’m pretty full of life right now… so why risk it when my tumors have been stable so far? I had a moment of doubt a few weeks ago when I received a voicemail (while I was at the gym, ironically), telling me that they had found a liver for me and I needed to get to the hospital ASAP. I second guessed myself and started worrying that I was going to get sicker if I didn’t get the transplant… but living in fear is no way to live at all, so for now, this is what I’m going to do.

You’re probably wondering what things look like for me from here on out… no active treatment, no transplant.. so now what? Well, for now we’re going to take a sort of “wait and watch” approach, meaning I will go in every 3 months for more scans to see if anything has grown or spread. Dr. Ravi was very adamant that I live a completely normal life and gave me no restrictions as far as physical activity, diet, moving/traveling, etc. Of course, the healthier I can be the more my body can fight off the cancer. He also gave me some pain medicine to take in the mean time. Honestly, some days I feel like it helps and some days I can’t tell because I still hurt. I’m going to ask him about other medication I might try when I go in for my next set of scans in September.

So that’s the deal! Trying to live normally now and release all the fear that tends to hold me down. I’ve definitely made strides towards living a healthier life as far as diet goes. I’ve started taking lots of vitamins and supplements and have been a lot more conscious of what I am putting into my body…. Not that the occasional cookie doesn’t sneak by me. Also, thanks to my sweet parents I am now the proud owner of a HUGE robot-like juicer. Picking it up from the post office and getting it home was quite the task… but since I have gotten it home it has been true love. For real… I am a juicing fiend. I have, more than once, caught myself thinking or saying out loud “hmm I bet I could juice that”. Real cool.

My doctor also told me about a documentary I should check out called Crazy Sexy Cancer which was at SXSW a few years ago. The girl who wrote and directed it is Kris Carr, an actress and photographer who was diagnosed with my EXACT condition when she was 31 years old. My doctor is friends with Kris Carr’s doctor at Harvard, which was what made him suggest the film to me. I actually just watched it last night finally and parts of it felt all too familiar. Although she has different beliefs than me on a lot of things, it was very cool to see her perspective on living with cancer. She’s really pretty incredible and a definite inspiration to me. She also has a blog called crazysexylife.com which has lots of good tips for health and general living. Check it out if you’re interested.

That’s all I’ve got for now. Oh, and I’m going to try to start making this blog more of a weekly thing so I don’t have to write any more novels. For those of you who have again stuck it out and read all this… appreciate it. Now go do something less boring and embrace the day you have been given. Live it up, people!!

“God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.

Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,

though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.

Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth."

The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Selah”

-Psalm 46:1-3, 10-11