a long overdue update.

"To a man on a mountain road by night, a glimpse of the next three feet of road may matter more than a vision of the horizon."

-C.S. Lewis

These last 2 weeks have been a bit of a roller coaster (which is apparently 2 words and not 1.. thank you spell check). I wanted to wait until I had something definitive to write about, but then stuff started happening really fast and I didn't have time blog at all. Sorry this is delayed in coming, but here's the update...

Two weekends ago, I got a call from a GI doctor at MD Anderson who said his wife was the one who had seen my slide in pathology. He said he wanted didn't want me to wait another day to hear from someone and confirmed most of the things I had previously thought about my condition. It is extremely rare, slow spreading, and most likely would require surgery or a transplant. He told me I should meet with an oncologist in the Sarcoma Oncology Center at MDA and also find a liver surgeon to discuss the potential of transplantation. I was thankful that someone cared enough to get in touch and let me know that they were getting the ball rolling. The next week I called the Sarcoma department and found out I could not get an appointment for another 5-6 weeks. It was disheartening thinking about waiting that long without any idea about what treatment was going to look like, but I figured it was better than no appointment at all. My dad started pursuing finding a liver doctor in Houston. Through a doctor he knew in Tyler, he was connected to a doc at Vanderbilt who then talked to a surgeon in Houston who is one of the best liver surgeons in the country. God definitely orchestrated it all.

Anyways, long story short... someone called on Friday from Methodist Hospital to talk to my dad and we were able to schedule an MRI and appointment with the surgeon for Wednesday. It happened really fast! Wednesday morning I had blood work, an MRI and a CT scan of my chest (to make sure the cancer had not spread to my lungs). I was very impressed by everyone I met at Methodist, and the morning went very smoothly. I was nervous about my afternoon appointment with the surgeon simply because I feared what he would have to say. I prayed hard that the tumors had not spread into my lungs or anywhere else in my body. Waiting in the doctor's office for him to come in was probably the worst part of the day. When the doctor finally came in he said, "Do you want me to give it to you straight? You need a transplant." He told me that there were several tumors on both sides of my liver, so a re-section would not be possible. I got to look at the MRI... which was REALLY cool to see and I counted about 8 dark spots without looking very hard. Basically, if he tried to take out the cancer and re-section my liver, it would look like a piece of swiss cheese. Not enough to live on for sure. If the tumors had all been on one side of my liver, they could take half of it out and it would re-generate into a new whole liver. (Another AMAZING thing about the human body!)

The surgeon then explained to me that I would have to go through a few days of different interviews to get on the transplant list. He said because I was young and healthy and not an alcoholic or smoker, getting on the list would not be a problem, however, because I am not in critical condition, it would be difficult to get me high up on the list. Also, because I have such a rare cancer there really is no "ranking" for it (they rank liver conditions based on need and the highest need goes to the top of the list). He said they would try to get an exception made for my condition. The doctor has a daughter my age, and I really feel like he sympathizes with my case. I know he is on my team and will do whatever it takes to get me a liver. I also LOVE the PA working for him. She has already been a huge blessing in this situation as she was the one to orchestrate me getting into the clinic so quickly. The doctor emphasized that I was in great health and that this was probably a condition I have had for quite a while, maybe even since I was a kid. He is a liver transplant surgeon and has only seen 5 cases of what I have EVER. He told me to keep on living life how I have been.. not to give up any traveling, food, sports (besides contact sports), etc. The doctor kept emphasizing that he was going to fix me up. This cancer was not caused by anything I have done which is baffling but also comforting. God knew this was going to happen to me and is allowing me to go through it. I don't know the answer to all of the why's right now, but that is not important to me. I know who I serve and know what he is capable of doing in and through me.

Phew!!! So yeah, it has been a lot to swallow the last 48 hours. I keep asking my parents how they are doing and I think we are all just sort of processing what is going on right now. I have to go through three days of interviews and classes next week (Mon-Wed) to even get on the transplant list at all. Someone told me yesterday that they couldn't imagine what it would be like to be in my shoes... and I thought to myself, you know, I can't imagine being in my shoes either! It just doesn't feel real to me yet, and God has blessed me with so much JOY and PEACE during all of this. Don't get me wrong.. I'm still scared out of my mind. In happier news, I have felt REALLY good (healthy) lately. I worked out for an hour on Monday with only minimal nausea and played tennis for a couple hours on Tuesday! I've started eating as healthy as I can handle despite the outlandish grocery bill. Really, they shouldn't be allowed to charge that much just because something has the word organic on it. Also, I'm 95% sure I'm getting a puppy soon! Life really is so good.

On a more serious note, I've been really convicted about something lately. I've found that often times in my life, it takes the realization of my own human weakness to bring me back to full dependence on God. The more in control of my life and circumstances I feel, the less I feel the need for God... as if somehow just because things are going well I need his mercy less. Self-sufficiency and complacency are two huge battles that hinder my spiritual growth. I am so often distracted from what is IMPORTANT by what is right in front of me. That is one reason I am very thankful for what I am going through right now. Sure, I would never choose this path on my own, but God is using my vulnerability and weakness to remind me of my utter need for Him. Everyone needs a good reminder every now and then that we are completely mortal. Ignoring this fact is like failing to acknowledge that its raining... it won't stop you from getting wet.

Anyways, going through all of this has been hard but very refreshing. It's incredibly freeing to know that we ultimately are not in control of our circumstances, only how we react to them. Now I'm not saying that because I don't have control of my cancer I should just sit back and let whatever is going to happen, happen... that is just stupid. I'm going to do everything I can to fight it... from getting the best medical treatment possible to eating healthy to falling on my face every morning in prayer. What I AM saying is that my life is not my own to begin with, it is an incredible gift from God that I never deserved in the first place. Worrying and stressing about what is going to happen to me is a complete waste of time and will not change the outcome in the slightest.

Okay, so... this is how you can pray for me this week:

-Pray that things go smoothly Monday-Wednesday and that I am able to get on a transplant list.

-Pray that God provides a liver for me quickly.

-Pray for complete healing (b/c God is completely capable of this!)

I want to thank y'all soooooooo much for all of the emails, calls, facebook messages, etc. that I have received the last couple weeks. Seriously, WOW. I feel so incredibly loved and supported and know that God is going to honor our prayers! For those of you that I have not messaged back yet, I'm SO sorry. I've been pretty overwhelmed with busyness and promise I will respond soon :). It's very humbling being in this position, just knowing so many people care and are thinking about you and praying for you.. I feel SO undeserving but thankful at the same time.

Well, that's all I got for now!! Take it easy. Oh, and GO MAVS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." -Proverbs 16:9

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." -James 1:2-4

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." -II Corinthians 12:9

"See now that I am He! There is no God besides me. I put to death and I bring to life, I have wounded and I will heal, and no one can deliver out of my hand." -Deuteronomy 32:39

the run down.

I would like to forewarn you that this is my very first blog so if its all over the place I apologize... but if you know me very well, then what else would you expect? That being said, given recent events I figured writing a blog might be the best way to keep everyone up to date on the craziness in my life.

These last few weeks have been trying, to say the least, but I have already seen God's faithfulness in more ways than I could have ever imagined. Alright, so heres the run down... Late last fall, around October or November, I started experiencing some pain in my stomach and sickness related to it. I was training for a half-marathon at the time, but I found that I had to cut a lot of my runs short due to nausea and other pain. It got to the point where I rarely worked out at all because every time I did I would get sick to my stomach. I also felt sick when eating, sick when I wasn't eating... you get the point. I made an appointment with a GI doctor for January to figure out what the deal was. After lots of questions and blood work, they scheduled an ultrasound and an upper GI to check out my whole digestive system and see what was up. The upper GI came back clean, but when they looked at my ultrasound they found what looked like cysts on my liver and decided to do a cat scan to confirm. The cat scan showed the same spots, so they proceeded to do a biopsy on my liver. The biopsy was definitely more painful than I expected, and I passed out in recovery... literally. Luckily, I didn't have to miss a single game of March Madness during my all-day hospital party!

The next week of waiting felt long, but I was completely covered in love and prayer by the people around me. When I called the nurse back the next week to find out my results and was immediately connected to the doctor, I knew something was wrong. The doctor told me that the pathologists looked at the tissue from my biopsy and "didn't know what to call it... malignant, beningn, or a combination". My heart dropped. He then told me that they had sent the slide over to M.D. Anderson (the best cancer hospital in the country which happens to be in Houston, for those who haven't heard of it) and that I would have to wait another week to hear back from them. When I heard the words malignant and M.D. Anderson in the same sentence, I lost it. I knew cancer was a possibility, but thought it was more of an out lier, not a real one. You always hear people say "I never thought it could happen to me", but it is such a painful, true statement. After several hours of tearful phone calls to friends and family, I pulled myself together and started praying. Again, I was completely BLOWN AWAY throughout the next week by the people around me. Literally, I had so many people tell me they were praying for me/thinking about me. I was terrified. Longest. Week. Ever.

Anyways, yesterday as I was leaving work, I get a call from the doctor. He tells me M.D. Anderson has confirmed what I have, which is a condition that he had never even heard about (comforting, I know). He tells me to get out a pen because it is a really long word. Homeboy didn't lie... it's literally the longest word I've ever heard. We're talking.. I had to start writing on another line because I ran out of paper.. long. What I have is called "Epithelioid Hemangioendothelioma". True story. The doctor said he didn't know anything about it other than it was extremely rare, it occurred in young women, and that I needed to set up an appointment at M.D. Anderson. When I asked him if it was cancer or not... his response was "its not cancer, per say, but it is a tumor". Basically, I took that as he had NO idea what the heck was wrong with me. Okay so, a common reaction at this point would be to burst into tears, right? Yeah.. not so much. I was definitely upset, but I could not stop laughing with my friend because of how many letters that word had. I WOULD get some disease I couldn't pronounce. Go figure.

When I got home, I spent a few minutes on google figuring out what was wrong with me, then decided (through the encouragement of my sister-in-law) that it was not a good idea. Seriously, if you aspire to become a hypcondriac, Web MD and google are a great place to start! That being said, I decided to get off my computer and out of my house and spent last night with some INCREDIBLE girls that have been such blessings in my life while I've been in Houston. I could barely keep up with the texts and calls coming into my phone. Seriously, I am SO humbled by the love and support everyone has shown me already. My parents were able to talk to a good friend who is a doctor who was very encouraging about the treatment for my condition. From what I understand, EHE (for short) is a form of cancer but is very slow developing. It is unresponsive to chemo/radiation, so I will most likely have to get surgery of some kind to remove the tumors. All of this is just speculation from what I have heard and read, so I may have a completely different story once I talk to the docs at MDA. Today has consisted of calling MD Anderson only to discover that my doctor never gave me a referral. I called the doctor back to talk about getting a referral, and the nurse told me they are taking care of it. Apparently they know someone who is the head of oncology at MDA who they are going to try to refer me to. Okay, SO! That's the run down on what's been going on.

My emotions/thoughts right now: I have a peace that I cant even comprehend. I can literally FEEL the prayers everyone is showering on me. My soul feels light in a time when it could be plagued with heaviness. It's the most amazing thing ever!!! What I want for now is just to embrace life completely and enjoy the people around me. I COMPLETELY believe that God has a plan and that glory WILL be brought to His name through this. I COMPLETELY trust the doctors at MDA and know they will give me the absolute best care possible. I COMPLETELY believe in the healing power of prayer.

I'm asking for prayer right now for 2 things: 1. being able to get an appointment at MDA through my doctor's referral and 2. for the tumors to be in a very early stage and easily removed through surgery.

On that note, I want to leave you with a few verses that have been a HUGE encouragement to me:

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" -Matthew 6:25-27

"Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." -Psalm 27:14

"Sing to the Lord, you saints of his; praise his holy name. For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning. When I felt secure, I said, 'I will never be shaken.'" -Psalm 30:4-6

"my enemy will say, 'I have over come him,' and my foes will rejoice when I fall. But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me." -Psalm 13:4-6

Alright, yall, that's all I got for now. I got a super important kickball game to get ready for tonight haha! Over & Out.